Inside The Mind
by Kelsey2664
Summary: This story is about an orphan who felt like an Outsider in her own world. She turned her back on her sister & payed for it deeply.


Are you an orphan? Yeah, I didn't think so. Did you ever sleep on the fuckin streets and wake up by the sound of a god damn gun shot? I bet you could only imagine it in your wildest dreams. It's my reality. I'm a fourteen year old orphan living on the downtown streets of New York. I have been since my parents died. I was eight. My name is Sheila. I have long black greasy hair and dark brown eyes. I'm about 5 foot 4 with light colored skin, only for the high amount of dirt on it and I have pretty bad looks. My sister is an orphan, too. But I hate her now. She keeps trying to feed me all that bullshit about nobody being able to help us. Man, I know that's just as true as me sitting here tellin you that I'm filthy rich and I come from a great home.

My home is filled with hooligans, criminals and prostitution. It's not a pretty thing I'll tell you that. I'm dirty. I fall to sleep out of my horrible world only to have rats crawling and sniffing around my arms and feet. I am surrounded by about a hundred people but I have no friends. I live a lonely, selfish, hateful life and I can't blame myself either.

I don't even know if I'd want to have money anyway. They're all emotionless bastards. Just the other day I was sitting on the side of the road under a worn out blue blanket begging for money ( Which I hate to do. Homeless people can have pride too you know ) and I spotted a convertible mustang coming by. I can still smell the fresh orange paint. There were two of them. A blonde girl driving. A dark haired boy stuck his hands out over the side and said, "Here ya dirty bum. Take this.. Maybe it can by you some soap" and they threw 50 cents at me. I can still hear their loud careless laughs. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say.. Or think for that matter. Instead I just threw the quarters back at them. I'm never going begging for money again. Even if it's in the middle of winter with snow up to my neck and no food to eat. I'm never going begging. Instead I've taken up the prostitution thing. I never knew much about it before only that girls seemed all giggily and perky about it. Little did I know it was from drugs. But you gotta do what you gotta do. The cruel society pushed me into it, they are the ones who made me hateful, bitter, alone.. And over the edge. What do I have to lose now anyway? I have no family.. Well the people that are related to me by blood are dead in my eyes. I have no friends... No money either.

I sometimes wonder what it's like to go to a junior high school, dances, the mall, on a vacation.. Or just to get dressed up. I haven't changed my clothes for as long as I can remember. I've never had a good life. My father abused both me and my sister and my mother was a drug addict. Cocaine to be exact. They both died in a car accident. Maybe that was just some big hoax to get rid of us. I don't know.. I remember the day that my parents died. We lived in a one room apartment. The manager of all people within ten minutes told my sister and I we were orphans and then kicked us out with nowhere to go whatsoever. That was nice..

Well with all the good experiences in my life why would I even think of hating the world or being bitter! Humph.. What a joke.. Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed now.. All of this thinking is making me hungry, don't worry though. I'm used to going to bed on an empty stomach..It certainly isn't the first night like this, and it definitely doesn't look like the last either.

Don't you hate it when you have to resort to stealing? Well you probably wouldn't have the experience. But just in case there's somebody out there who feels a small fraction of what I am. Anyway it was a day or so before Thanksgiving. All I could smell all around me was dinner cooking.. Seeing there's a few small houses around the "ghetto" no matter where I went that's all I could smell. I loved the smell but I hated the fact that it was there. It isn't very often I smell anything cooking though since the houses that are around me are poor ones. Well I was walking down the abandoned street ( Everyone was out doing their daily begging or stealing.. Others were just sleeping near trash cans in alleys ) when something came over me. I was so hungry that I actually panicked. It was such a weird feeling that overcame me. I paced to the nearest small corner shop and strolled in. I bet I looked suspicious looking, too. I stole two juice packs, a can of Vienna Sausage wieners and a bar. I know it isn't much but it will have to last me for a few days. Whether I like it or not.

You know who I haven't heard of for a long time? My sister, Sylvia. I don't like to call her that though. She may be 18 but the name doesn't suit her, it makes her seem so old. I call her Sylvie which isn't much better. My sister is full of life even the abuse didn't break her spirit like it began to break mine. She could do good to the world that I hate, if she tried but she's changed in the last couple years.. She's desperate now.. I decided to take it upon myself to find out where she is and what she's doing. I'm in a pretty good mood today. I spotted the nearest hooligan and asked very casually "Hey, You seen Sylvia Critch 'round here? Little tramp.. I can't find her anywhere these days" You know I can't sound needy, it doesn't fit right. I learned how to sound tough and pushy when I want something. I learned a few useful skills from living on the streets for seven years

"Uhh.." He looked like he knew something that I should know.. I was getting more curious by the second. I wonder where she is..

"Come on man tell me, I asked you a question and I'm expectin' an answer.. Now rather then tomorrow"

"Okay, don't get too god damn mouthy now. She told me just last week that she was sick of it here and she needed to get out.. Whatever the fuck that meant. Yeah I think she uhh..ran away or somethin'" Wow.. Sylvie? I didn't think she had that much guts to "run away" without even letting her poor helpless defenseless sister in on her plan. I don't know if I'm happy, scared or disappointed right now. I wanna get out of here too but I'm not planning on running away to do it. Maybe she hated this place just as much as I do. Only I hate the whole world..and everyone in it too. What was she thinking leaving here? Does she realize what's out there? God damn it. I forgot that I was even standing there in front of people for a second.

"What? Oh. Did she manage to tell you where she was goin'?" I finally got out. I didn't know whether to act mad or glad. So I didn't pick either.. I'm so confused right now.

"Nah man she didn't tell me nothing. Aren't you her sister?" I wish he didn't ask me that..

"That's none of your damn business" I sounded like a real brat then. I rushed off like I was in a hurry to get somewhere.. But I heard him mutter something that I probably wasn't supposed to hear. It sounded like.. _fuckin brat_.. Oh my God! I can't believe her. Then it stroke me. I was pushing her away for years and it must've finally all built up. Then something else stroke me even harder.. Why do I care? She left me to take care of myself.. She doesn't understand anything.

My anger always boils over my sympathy and smothers it. It's a good thing too. I'd rather be pissed off then feeling bad for some shit. I wish I could change the way that the higher ups deal with poverty and abuse. There's not enough out on it in regards to books or even shelters. Yeah I know there are shelters out there but not enough. Nobody would listen to a fourteen year old kid anyway. Especially since I'm not even educated.. The last time I was in school was grade 1 and well some of the second grade.. That makes me sound really dumb doesn't it? I don't think I'm all that dumb.. I have my opinions even though I don't know all that text book junk that you do in school. I'm not one to be judging school anyway. You know.. If people listened to what we thought that we'd have a better society.. In my opinion anyway.. And a lot of others I would say. I know I'm not the only one.. God damn all this..

The whole week all I could think about was Sylvie, and for some strange reason I wanted to find her. I don't know if it was to tell her off or to tell her I'm sorry. I guess I'll have to wait and see. I think I'll leave after supper. Jason told me she was hitchhiking along the highway or somethin' so I'll go up there. It's dangerous because there were murders and kidnaps up there but at this point I couldn't care less to tell you the truth.

For supper I didn't eat much. Whenever I'm mad, sad, disappointed, anxious, confused.. Basically if I'm feeling any emotion other then content or happiness I don't have any appetite whatsoever. All I ate was a banana I stole and I had a juice pack, too. Believe it or not that's a pretty good meal for me. I'm usually resorting to digging through the garbage cans or even stealing from people who live down in this dump with me, It's pretty depressing.. Not only my home, my life.

I got up from the "ghetto" alright. I was okay, I mean. The roads of New York City were filled with bright lights and pretty cars. I gazed at the bright vibrant colors, wide-eyed. It was amazing to me. I've never been on the good side of city since well school and that was six years ago.. I had forgotten how much I loved it.. Do you ever wish for something more then what you have in your own life? Sorry if that sounds like a stupid question.. But I don't have any friends remember?.. I always wish not to have a lot of money..but to be normal. To have a few close friends, average in money, a decent family and a chance to go to school and get a good job. I always dreamed of having a good job working with the government. I don't know what you'd call it but I wanted to change things for the poverty side of town, starting with New York. But as of right now the chance of my succeeding at that is extremely slim.

Well it's 2;02am and I think I'm on the highway. I can't say I really know what one looks like. All Jason told me was that it's a long straight road with lots of lanes or something. Good description right? I don't know if I should've even come looking for her. What was I thinking anyway? Well it's too late to head back now. Oh, look there's a dirt road.. I guess I'll sleep there tonight..

This morning I was filled with a bright confusion when I woke up. I didn't wake up to a gun shot or a fight or with rats at my feet. It was incredible. I appreciate the little things in life, they make me happy. My curiosity got the best of me, I wanted to see what was at the end of this road or whatever you'd call it. I paced drowsily on forward. I was still pretty sleepy, I spotted a lake, and somebody's legs stretching out from some big, tall rock. At first I thought that they were just sleeping there, like I was.. But after I washed my hands, feet and face I realized it didn't seem like they were moving.. I know I'm no expert but I think I can tell when it doesn't seem like a person's breathing. To be honest, I was eyeing them the whole time I was there because I was scared stiff to be away from my neighborhood. I kind of tip-towed over and said a bit uneasily.. "Hel–Hello? Are you okay?" I was afraid to look at her, or him. They didn't answer.. Maybe they sleep solidly or something.. So I said my line louder so they could hear. "Hello? Are you okay?" Again, no answer so I decided that I had to look at them and find out who it was.

They were lying on their stomach.. I turned them over and stared square in the face with my sister.. My dead sister.. I stroked her shoulder length brown hair.. She had gorgeous hair.. I then remembered my remarkable sister.. She was kind and understanding.. She was about 5 foot 7 with dark hair and a light blue color eyes.. Her looks could describe her personality, she even looked sweet. She wasn't cut out to be who she was. She deserved more. Before I could remember any more a tow-truck came speeding behind me.. There were two boys in it. They looked alarmed and the first thing that came to my head was _I'm gonna be next. _"Hey..She found her man what the fuck are we gonna do now?" One boy said to the other.. I realized then that I had to run or I'd end up like my sister.

I ran. I ran as fast as I could and I made a quick decision to run towards the city. It came to my mind that if I ran to the highway that they'd get my for sure and no one would be there to help, not that they would anyway. I heard the buzzing of the truck behind me.. The buzzing and the backfiring. I was running in my bear feet and something stuck in them, I tripped and fell. All I was thinking was that I had to keep going. The two boys stopped the truck on the side of the road and got out to chase me, they must have realized that I couldn't run very fast. I heard them both shouting. "Hey get back here you bitch, you're gonna be next.. You're not gonna live to tell about that nice young girl that we killed" Then I heard them laugh.. They laughed at the thought of killing my sister. I felt spite raising.. I had to say something back to those pigs.

" She was my sister you morons and if you lay one of those god damn fingers on me and it'll be the last thing you ever touch." I didn't think I'd be able to say that to two murderers.. My God, Murderers are chasing me!

"Ohh.. That was a mistake, you won't say that when we get a hold of you" I finally spotted a house and even though I didn't know who lived in it I was going in anyway.

I ran in ahead of myself and shouted "Hello? Please is anybody here? I need help..Please!"

" Yes I'm in here come on in", A friendly mans voice responded back. I went into his living room uneasily.. His house looked pretty nice. But enough of that, I needed to get my story out.

" Okay well I know you weren't expecting a dirty fourteen year old girl to come in here blurting out a story but I'm sorry. My sister and I were orphans and she ran away because she couldn't take it. I realized how wrong I was to ever push her away and I..I ran after her to find her... I found her in a dirt road near the highway by a river. I was looking at her while the two boys who murdered her came up and chased me in their truck.. I'm so scared.. They were gonna hurt me too.." By this time I was whimpering and crying beyond my control.

"Okay, Okay.. I'm sorry about your loss.. Come on we go down to the police station and we'll tell them your story in more detail, alright? Then maybe we can do something about your clothes and living arrangements.. I work with the government you know" I didn't think that anybody from the government could be that easy to talk to, or that nice for that matter. I was stunned. All I could do was nod my head.

We both drove down to the police station in his car.. The whole ride he was asking about my parents and how I lived.. I told him everything. It was weird that I could open up to somebody like that. Oh well. The police officers asked me some dumb questions, and again I told them the story. After it was out Chris (The nice guy whose house I ran into) took me to get ice cream. We had a very meaningful conversation there. "So would you like to go back to school, or to do something to change lives like you and your sisters?" He asked.

" You bet I would, to both of them. I love school but I'd have to go back to grade two or three.. And my life long dream is to work with the government here at New York to change the poverty side of town. Actually only starting here in New York. I'd love to change it where ever I can. When you live in those conditions it'd have to be your dream to change them. They are hideous." I sounded like I knew everything there is to know about the world when I stated that. When my life is the only thing I know everything about. Don't you know everything about yours?

" Well why don't we get working on that. I can make that dream come true, Sheila. And um.. Since you hate living where you are.. Would you like to have my adopt you? That's if you want. You are a wonderful girl and you deserve a wonderful family and a wonderful life."

I was stunned.. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.. I was overjoyed.. "Oh my God! Thank-you Chris! Yes I would love for you to make my dream come true and I'd love to have you adopt me! If only Sylvie was here now.." He just smiled and looked very sincere.

Within the next two weeks I've had a lot of life changing experiences coming my way. I am being home schooled because I don't want to go back to a school and only be in grade three. I am having campaigns to change the life of the poverty side. And I have a great family. And don't get me wrong.. Everyone in the government knows how I feel about them, I told them that when I got down there. Fr some freakish reason they understand it, too. I'm finally finding out what love and affection are, and the right way.. I'm never pushing anybody away again.. My life is turning out for the better, and I hope it stays just the way it is.


End file.
